Hello there! I hope everyone is doing well and isn't as sick as I am. Despite my atrocious sounding cough, I've actually enjoyed relaxing the past few days. I've been incredibly busy lately and getting sick was probably the only thing that could make me slow down and take some time to reflect on life. I would like to share with y'all what God has spoken to me during this time of reflection!
Man y'all, I'm selfish. Everyone's selfish, I know, but I can just be so dang selfish sometimes it's sad. Like I said I've been SO busy lately, considering it's spring of my senior year. I get in maybe two quiet times a week and even then they haven't been whole-hearted or genuine. The past few weeks I've just been so wrapped up in all the hype of this world that I was too selfish to take time out of my schedule for the One who gave me life. But as I was laying in bed the other night unable to sleep because of my coughing fits, I realized how empty I felt. I've been packing my days full of all kinds of junk that didn't include Jesus that I hadn't even realized until I was completely still and up way later than the rest of the world that I haven't been happy. I've just been, well busy.
I started to think about how I've been living and how I've been treating people. I can always tell that I've drifted from God when I start to act how I did before I gave my heart to Him. I realized I've been extremely moody and irritable and getting upset about the most petty things. I had forgotten how beautiful and bountiful the life He has given me is and only focused on what was wrong with my life. I started to pray a simple but earnest prayer. I said, "Lord reveal to me where I've gone wrong. I have trouble sometimes tuning out the world and hearing your voice but Father, I'm begging you to speak to me now." This is what I felt like I heard from Him in response:
"In order to truly be happy in this life, you have to serve and stop expecting to be served."
I realized that I had stopped looking for ways to serve other people and to serve God and instead just expected everybody else to serve me and cater to my needs and wants. This was the root of my bitterness and emptiness. My selfishness got the best of me because I had stopped spending time with the One who humbles me and drives me to want to serve. And of course I was acting this way right before Easter, a time when we celebrate the fact that a king came into this world as a servant, did nothing His whole life but serve God and serve people, and died a criminal's death for us. Gosh I'm so ungrateful.
I am thankful that I got sick and that God humbled me through it. I am thankful for what He did for us thousands of years ago and I am thankful that my selfish, prideful, sinful self has the chance to spend eternity with the One who serves me daily. My prayer is that I would joyfully serve Him and would let go of my desire to be served.
At the last supper Jesus told His disciples this....
"Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves."
Luke 22:27
"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28
He was the greatest among us and did nothing but serve us. Our lives are meant to be spent serving Him right back. Happy Easter everyone!! :)
