love yo'self

Yo what's up people! I know I don't use this blog much anymore but I've got some thoughts to share and feel that this is the best place to dump them. My desire to share this stuff has been spurred on by my own personal happenings, the state of our country/world, and also a holiday that makes many feel lonely, insecure, jealous, etc. that happened to be yesterday.

This is a story of how I've learned and am still learning to love myself. The funny thing is that it happened by learning to forget myself. By focusing intently on God's greatest commandments– 1. Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul 2. Love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:36-40)– I made strides in my battle with insecurity. I'm still selfish as poop and this post is in no way intended to bring glory to myself; I just wanted to share a piece of my story in hopes that it'll help someone out there who is struggling to love him or herself. And also to bring glory to God who brings us freedom!

For years and years I was a big heaping mess of insecurity. Even when my faith became real to me at 16 and I was "made new", I still had very little love for myself. My friends and family loved me so well yet I had the hardest time seeing greatness or any kind of potential in myself. These feelings only escalated when I got to college. Meeting lots of new people and realizing I am way more awkward and introverted than I thought was no fun. Especially when everyone else seemed to be thriving their freshman year (which wasn't true, social media is a monster to the insecure). And on top of that I was supposed to be deciding what career I wanted to pursue but felt very little confidence in myself being able to be successful or make an impact on the world.

loving God bigger

Last year I really began to pull back the curtain on my truest self. I stopped pretending and polishing and worrying and grasping at any identity that seemed acceptable. I was no longer driven by approval but instead by what made my inmost being happy. It was beautiful and freeing and I owe it all to the Holy Spirit's work within me. I remember a few summers ago when I was at the peak of my battle with insecurity and self worth, someone shared their similar story with me. She said "I'm a firm believer that you're not fully yourself until you let God have every part of you".

This newfound freedom happened as a result of God opening my eyes to the gift of singleness and in turn learning to be romanced by God. For so long I turned to guys to make me feel like I was worth something and I just didn't wanna do that anymore. It wasn't working and wasn't fair to myself or anyone I sought to be in a relationship with. So I decided to lean in to how God was romancing me everyday and fell more in love with Him and with who I am in Him as a result.

Before this shift, it felt like every time God placed something in front of me that he knew would delight the girl he formed, I looked to my left and right to make sure others were pleased with it too. Or I posted it on my Instagram feed to see how many of my followers thought it deserved a like. I wouldn't let my own creator who knows me so intimately simply romance me because of my concern with fitting in.

As soon as I quit thinking like this, I was able to see God's splendor in the most ordinary, mundane things. Things like work, school, the ministry I serve with, running errands, hanging out with friends, etc became more colorful and life-giving because I was able to see God moving in so many small, beautiful ways. I used to be hesitant to over spiritualize things but it's pretty much impossible to do that when God is the creator of all things and is living and breathing in this world through the Holy Spirit. The more I focus on being romanced by him, the less I dwell on the things I don't like about myself. Sometimes I forget my existence completely because I'm so enthralled by what's in front of me while other times I feel my existence strongly and am romanced by the way God has wired me to feel things deeply.

loving people bigger

People used to terrify me. They still do to an extent when I forget that they're just people too. My social anxiety stemmed from a lack of self confidence in who I was and it hindered me from loving people deeply. I was afraid of get to know people because then they might want to get to know me and who the heck was I? 

But the people who made me feel most myself were those most comfortable with themselves. Those who weren't afraid to show up messy and loudly proclaim their quirks. Those who could look at something with a glimmer in their eye and say "this is amazing" even if nobody else thought so. Those who were truly interested in other people's unique passions and interests, even if they were radically different from their own. I'd make mental notes of the people I encountered like this through the years and always remembered them when I thought about who I wanted to be, but never believed I could be that sure of myself. 

I starting thinking about how they were able to be so at peace with themselves and realized that they all had something in common: they didn't ever seek to bring attention to themselves or make themselves known. Sure they spoke their mind, but in a respectful and humble manner that was intended to spark interesting conversation. They listened more than they talked. They spoke out the greatness they saw in others and sought to make others feel loved and known. These were people who loved their neighbors in a non discriminatory, radical yet simple way.

My hope is that my journey with learning to love myself will help you in yours. The biggest factor in loving myself was falling more in love with my Creator. But whether you're a Christian or not, I promise you that loving those around you will do wonders for your ability to see greatness in yourself. 

So would you join me in loving our neighbors bigger? In not putting people into a box? In being unapologetic about who we are and also inviting those who are different than us to do the same? There is nothing brave about being confident in yourself but making others feel wrong about who they are. I don't ever want to be some who says "hey how about you keep THAT part of yourself hidden." Rather, I want to encourage others to stand in the light and love them for the parts of them that are not like me. We can all play a role in helping each other love ourselves better so let's do it!

a wonderful day in Southern California

Lyrics from a dope song called "The Honest Truth"

dancing in the rain

The first thing I do before I get out of bed every morning is check my weather app. Before I even plant my feet on the ground, I like to know what to expect of the world that day. I get giddy when I see sunshine and hop right out of bed ready to start the day. Seeing a forecast of rain clouds, low temperatures, or the most dreadful of all: wind, on the other hand, makes it really tough for me to want to leave the comfort of my bed in the morning. Either way, I like to know the forecast so I can plan out what I'll wear, how I'll spend my free time, and whether I will walk or drive to where I need to be. I plan out and predict the course of my entire day, and often my entire week, based on a little cartoon cloud or sun and a number next to it, how silly is that?

How do you think I felt today when all that was predicted was sun and 75 degree temperatures but I walked outside of class to find that it was raining? Not very pleased. It wasn't so much the fact that I was getting rained on but rather that I didn't expect it or get to prepare for it. You'd think that after living in Lubbock for 10 years I would be used to unpredictable weather by now, but it still bothers me when what was supposed to be a beautiful day turns out to be stormy and dreary.

After feeling frustrated for a little bit, I giggled at myself for putting so much hope into a weather forecast on an iPhone app. I started thinking about the season of life I am currently in. It isn't what I would necessarily call a happy, sunshine-y time. I am walking through storms I did not expect to walk through. I planned for clear skies and breezy days, but all of the sudden I was hit with darkness and melancholy. My initial reaction was confusion and anger. I had plans, I had expectations, I did not want the joyful season of my life I was in to be over and I did not feel at all prepared to face the storm that was engulfing me. As I've come to terms with what is happening, I have received a lot of peace from the Lord and felt Him so near to me. I have learned three major things about why storms and unanticipated hardships are good and why we can be joyful in them:

1. The Lord uses times of pain, sadness, confusion, and loss to mold us into who we are called to be. Most of us want to be forgiving, kind, generous, bold people but how do we expect to become that unless we go through trials that teach us to forgive, teach us to sympathize, and teach us to trust God? Sometimes we need the things of this world that are bringing us comfort and happiness to be stripped away in order to remember our great need for Jesus. He alone is everything that we need and the more we can soak in that truth, the more we will become like Him. I have never known somebody to walk through a hardship with God and say that what was on the other side was not beautiful and worth the suffering.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us." Romans 8:18

2. We're not entitled to comfort, happiness, or success in this life; our purpose is simply to love! As Christians, we hear time and time again that God's two greatest commandments are to love Him and love thy neighbor. But this really cannot be emphasized enough. Living in this world, especially in America, we are constantly being trained to be selfish and to pursue our own happiness and personal gains. I find that the more we have, the more we feel entitled to. Once we have been living in comfort and security, the last thing we want is to give that up. But this goes against the essence of God and who we're called to be. Our motivation and intentions behind everything we do should be to love the people around us. If we must make sacrifices to pursue the ministry he is calling us to or to help somebody in need, we have to be willing to do so. When God takes something away, realize that no earthly possessions are yours to keep. Don't indulge in self-pity but instead focus your energy on loving those around you. When we are driven by love and selflessness, it is a lot easier to feel our burdens lifted.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal." Matthew 6:19

3. Our citizenship is in Heaven, not this world. Because of the cross, we get the chance to spend eternity in a place with no storms, forever basking in the light and glory of Our Creator. While we walk this earth, there will be days that are full of sunshine and joy and goodness. We will not want those days to end and will hold those days close to our hearts because we felt alive and were experiencing the abundant life Jesus offers us. There will also be days of deep sorrow and emptiness as we feel the weight of the broken world caving in on us. But as soon as we enter the gates of Heaven, those days will be forgotten as we experience joy and fullness like never before. For a single day in his courts is better than a thousand anywhere else (Psalm 84:10). No matter where we go in this life, we are ultimately going home. Whatever storms we must walk through on earth, we can bear  them because we have the hope of Heaven!

So my plans were turned upside down. So I am in a place I did not want or expect to be in. So I am in a stormy season of life and part of me wishes I could rewind or fast forward. But Jesus has drawn me near to Him, reminded me that He is more than enough for me, and has allowed me to be joyful through the pain. Some days the rain feels light and manageable. Some days I can see the sun peaking through the clouds. Other days, I feel the rain weighing down heavily on me, not allowing me to see or think clearly. But through it all, I know my God is constant and He is working and because of that, I can dance in the rain! I am grateful to be exactly where I am because it is exactly where He needs me.

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
   a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
   a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

blessed to be a blessing

Hello all! I'm sorry I haven't posted on here in a while...I've been busy with college, work, life and also starting a new fashion blog with my sister. However, I still want to use this blog to share what God is teaching me and what He is leading me to share with others! I love blogs so the more the merrier, right? (jk two is definitely all I can handle) Anyway I'd like to use this post to share something God has been teaching me recently.

So as Christians who are broken, sinful people, we are constantly caught between living for God and living for ourselves. Sure, sometimes we are living to please other people too but usually the root of this is selfishness because we just want approval or attention from those we are trying to please. That's how it is for me, anyway.

Coming to college has really opened my eyes to just how selfish I am. I have this new independence and so many choices, that I must choose every single day to deny myself and choose the Lord's way. The sad truth, though, is that a lot of times I have chosen my own way. I often choose what will make me the happiest or most comfortable in the moment even if I know it goes against the will of God. This has ranged from sleeping in instead of going to church to gossiping with my friends to trying to date a guy when I know I'm not fully ready for a relationship.

I've had to learn that as a Christ-follower I am not entitled to comfort or happiness. Sometimes I must suffer and sacrifice so that I can fulfill God's will. Sometimes I must step out of my comfort zone so that I can follow what God is calling me to do and grow in my relationship with Him. As a shy girl, who likes resting and alone time and being comfortable...this is HARD sometimes. But I know that staying cooped up in my room watching Netflix all day or only hanging out with my close friends and family will never cause me to grow in my faith and is not living purposefully at all.

The other day at my church service, our pastor shared this verse with us and it just really stuck out to me and I've been dwelling on it ever since.

"I will make you into a great nation. and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing." Genesis 12:2

God was speaking this to Abraham when He told him to leave his country and all his relatives to go to the land He would show him. Two things stuck out to me from this...

1. Abraham was probably happy right where he was. He was 75 living with his wife and with relatives close by. If anything, I'm sure he was comfortable. But God had bigger plans for him. God needed Abraham to leave his comfort zone so that He could use him and make him into a great nation. Abraham would have to make a sacrifice, but the outcome would be exponentially greater than if he were to stay right where he was. The takeaway I got from this is that sometimes we must sacrifice good to experience God's BEST.
2. The Lord told Abraham that He would bless him so that he could be a blessing to others. God loves all of his children the same, but obviously some of us are in more fortunate situations than others. I always question why I get to live such a great life, with family and friends that I love and food to eat, a place to live, and the opportunity to receive an education while others don't have any of this. This verse opened my eyes to the fact that the reason God has blessed me so much is so that I can go and bless others. If I have few problems of my own, I have more time to help other people with theirs. If I have more money than I absolutely need, I have room to be generous with it.

I hate that I can be so selfish and ungrateful that I just want more and more and often use my resources like time and money on myself instead of others. My prayer is that, like Abraham, I'd be willing to step out of my comfort zone and follow God's calling to bigger and better things. I also pray that I'd recognize the blessings God has given me as a reason to turn around and bless others. The whole reason I am on this earth is to bring glory to my Maker and to live out His purpose, but as long as I am living for myself I won't experience His best for my life. Thanks for reading!

becoming Her

Hello people reading my blog who probably forgot I even had one. I haven't written in quite a while, in fact I've conquered a whole semester of college since I last posted on here. Not to mention, it's 2015!!! Anyway here I am, back and ready to share a little bit about what being in college (well really the Lord) has taught me.

So here I am finished with my first semester and I'd love to tell you it was all smooth-sailing, but it wasn't. I got stressed out way more often than I should have, I had multiple panic sessions that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and I went several weeks without investing in my relationship with God whatsoever. Despite all of that, the Lord was so good to me and I would consider my the past three months some of the best of my life. I can't tell you that I'm so much more grown up and have life figured out now, but I'd be lying if I said going to college didn't change me for the better. Something I have learned about myself is that being thrown into things that are out of my comfort zone is when I grow and learn the most. Like I said, I spent the first several weeks of college spending little to no time investing in my relationship with God but then after a conversation with one of my work crew friends one night about how wonderful our God is, I realized that needed to change. I started waking up 30-40 minutes early every morning to spend time with God, not because I felt obligated to but because I genuinely missed Him...He's my best friend. In our sweet time together, I felt like I finally let Him start revealing things to me He had been trying to for years.

In the past few months I have realized that I haven't been striving to live as the woman God calls me to be. Sure I do when I'm at a Christian camp or church or having coffee with a Christian friend, but in my everyday actions and thoughts and conversations I have not been striving to honor God in all I do. I conform to be whoever I think the people I am with want me to be and let me tell you, it gets exhausting. When I am in Heaven one day I want to look back on my life with the God who gave it to me and hear Him say "well done, faithful servant" rather than looking at all the moments I missed out on bringing Him glory because I was caught up trying to please people.

Like I said I have no clue what I want to do with my life, but I do know that God will guide me to it when the time is right. No matter what I do, I want to spend everyday becoming more of the woman that He created me to be...not the woman my friends want me to be, or a boy I have a crush on or my parents or anyone else wants me to be. I know that the only way I can become this type of woman is if I really learn what it means to be a woman of God. (I've been on the lookout for a good bible study of woman in the bible so please let me know if you know of one.) With the biblical knowledge I have gained so far as well as simply observing Godly girls and women around me, I have accumulated a collection of characteristics that I believe define a woman of God in today's world that I would like to share with you, partly in hopes that it'll speak to someone else but also because posting these goals on my blog is me saying "Hey world this is the kind of person I want to be, please call me out on it when I go against it" and that is a great form of accountability.

1. She wakes up every morning thinking, "What can I do for God?" rather than "What can God do for me?"

2. She values people for who they are, not how they look or what they have.

3. She makes everyone around her feel important and loved.

4. She recognizes the urgency with which we must share the Gospel with others, but does so in a gentle way.

5. Her hope is in the fact that God will always be with her, not that one day she might find a husband or get a job she has always wanted.

6. The time she spends on her phone or on Netflix does not outweigh the time she spends investing in her relationship with God and serving others.

7. She does not complain when life gets tough, but rather seeks out ways to grow from it.

8. She owns who she is and loves how God made her. She doesn't constantly wish she could look like or be like someone else.

9. She is vulnerable with others about her sin and her struggles. She doesn't put on a facade of perfection.

10. She prays about things more than she talks about them.

11. When she tells someone she will pray for them, she always does.

12. Her joy is steadfast because it comes from the Lord. She is not just temporarily happy when things are going good for her.

13. She works hard at everything she does, working for God and not for man. (Colossians 3:23)

14. She can truly laugh without fear of the future. (Proverbs 31:25) She does not let worry hold her back from living life to the fullest.

15. She doesn't live in her comfort zone. She takes every opportunity she gets to experience something new.

16. She is frugal and doesn't spend money on things she doesn't need. She is generous with her money, knowing that everything she earns belongs to God.

17. She enriches the lives of those around her by speaking positively in everyday conversation and encouraging others with her words.

18. She forgoes her rights to God and says "yes" to whatever He asks of her...even if it isn't how she planned for things to go.

19. She invests in other people and checks up on those she loves frequently. Her conversations aren't surface level small talk, but rather asking people how their life is and if they need anything.

20. She cares more about how kind and Christ-like others view her than she does how pretty and fashionable she appears.

21. She is genuinely happy for other people when life is good for them, not jealous and self-pitying.

22. She is quick to forgive and slow to anger. She shows love to people who have wronged her and never seeks revenge. (1 Corinthians 13:5)

23. She stands up for what she knows is right, no matter how uncomfortable or unpopular it might be.

24. She does not look down on people who don't believe in God or who live a different lifestyle than her, but loves them all the same.

25. She flees from sexual impurity. She dresses modestly to avoid tempting her brothers in Christ and she doesn't kiss or hookup with random boys so she can feel temporary affection. (1 Corinthians 6:18)

There are probably many more things I will continue to discover about what it means to be a woman of God, but this is what I've got so far. I've fallen short of every single one of these things and will time and time again but I know that the more I let God mold me into the woman He created me to be, the more I will be able to do for Him. So instead of spending all my time and energy trying to become the girl who has a perfect life through the eyes of an instagram follower or a girl who is able to find a cute boyfriend or a girl who knows exactly what she wants to do with her life, I will spend the rest of my life trying to be the woman the Good Lord made me to be. Thanks for reading!

Girls from my work crew at our recent reunion! I learn so much from watching how they love God and each other.

I got to spend my New Years worshiping Jesus on the beach. Talk about starting the year off right!

Let me tell ya bout work crew...

Hello blog readers! It's been quite some time since I've posted on here (as it usually is between posts) but I am back and am particularly excited to write this post about an experience near and dear to my heart: the three weeks I spent on Work Crew for a YoungLife camp called Crooked Creek. I would have liked to have written this sooner, seeing as I've been back from work crew for three weeks now but with starting college and trying to spend time with my loved ones since getting back home, this is the first time I've gotten to sit down and write it. I know it might seem like this post would only be interesting to somebody who was at Crooked Creek or has done work crew or YoungLife, but I assure you that anyone who enjoys hearing about how great our God is will wanna read this! Trying to write this without getting too emotional is going to be difficult, but I'll give it a shot.

I really don't even know where to begin so I guess I will just go chronologically. I'm going to be honest, the first few days sucked. Not gonna sugar coat it or anything...they were tough. My job was called a "tawashie" which meant that every day starting from 8:30am until about 4pm I was scrubbing showers and toilets (yes, that includes urinals), cleaning cabins, pulling hair out of drains, wiping down windows, mirrors, and counters, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, restocking toilet paper and paper towels, pulling gum out of the carpets, taking out the trash, and whatever else needed to be cleaned on the camp grounds. I don't say all those things for you to feel bad for me because it was so worth it and I actually ended up getting satisfaction out of doing all those jobs...I just want to paint a picture to you of why it was so difficult for me the first few days. Besides all the hard work there were multiple other reasons why I struggled so much at first, but God taught me so much through each obstacle and that's what I want to share with y'all...

1. I honestly didn't go into it with the right mind set. All I thought about before work crew was what I could get out of it myself, not what I could do for God and for the campers. I wanted my relationship with God to grow, I wanted to do tons of fun things, I wanted to make lots of friends, and I wanted to have cool stories I could go back and tell people. All of those things definitely happened but they were not the reason God brought me there. He brought me there to serve Him and help His kingdom grow. The campers who come to YoungLife camp are supposed to experience what Heaven could be like one day. Our job as a work crew is to serve them wholeheartedly and proclaim the Gospel through our daily jobs. Those campers' clean cabins and bathrooms might not have been the direct reason they accepted Christ, but it played a role in giving them the best week possible and making sure there was nothing to distract them during their cabin time (which is where they had in depth conversations about their relationships with God with their YoungLife leaders.)

2. I was super homesick because I'm so attached to my family and had never been away from them for more than a week. It was hard knowing they were having fun on vacation without me while I was working my butt off. However, my time away from them taught me to be more thankful for them and appreciative of the time I spend with them. It also taught me that God alone can bring me comfort and is my Heavenly Father who will always protect me and provide for me. As much as I love my family, I can't look to them instead of Jesus for love and comfort.

3. I had never had a job or done chores before. I know I sound super spoiled saying that but it's just that my parents are so awesome and have always provided for me so that I could focus on my school work and activities. I didn't realize how much I took that for granted until I had to do things for myself. I also have a lot more respect for people who do have jobs and do chores all the time and realized that I should start doing those things instead of relying on my parents to do and pay for everything for me.

4. I had a lot of trouble making friends and opening up to people at first so I felt kind of lonely. I was jealous of and intimidated by the girls who were so outgoing and funny right off the bat because I wish I was that way. I was letting my insecurities stop me from making true friendships and leaning on the community around me to lift me up but once I trusted God and began to be myself those same girls that I was jealous of became my best friends. I couldn't have gotten through the long, tough days without the joy and laughter and encouragement the friends I made brought me. They taught me what true community is and what I wanted to find when I went off to college.

5. I was believing the lie that I don't have much to offer God and that since I wasn't doing so great at my job from the start, I was a failure and shouldn't have signed up to be there. Silly me forgot that when God calls us to do something, He will sustain us and equip us to do it. Luckily my work crew bosses showed me a lot of grace when I would mess up and showed me that they believed in me. I realized that by myself, I could not have done a good job at all and honestly was a pretty sucky tawashie but the Holy Spirit within me gave me the strength and energy I needed to work hard and have a good attitude and do the best job I could. At the end of the session my boss told me she was so proud of me and that I improved so much but I knew it had nothing to do with myself and everything to do with God who was working through me.

Like I said, the first few days were tough but they soon got so much better. Once I realized that I was there to serve God and that He picked me to be there and play a part in His plan to bring hundreds of campers to Christ, I was incredibly humbled and my outlook totally changed. I began to be excited to wake up every morning and serve Him with people I loved so much. It was thrilling to be out of my comfort zone of Lubbock, Texas and be in a beautiful place with so many great people who had so many different stories. I loved getting to be myself with them and laugh and dance and cry and work and worship (sometimes terribly because a lot of us including myself were tone deaf) and break rules and just share our hearts with each other. I never experienced anything more beautiful or incredible in my life.

But just as things were going great, I called home one night after the first week had passed and found out that my sweet dog passed away. It was the most unexpected thing considering that she was only 5 years old and was happy and healthy when I left for work crew. Anyone who knows me knows how attached I was to Janet and how special she was to me, but it was hard because the people I was with on work crew didn't understand that and didn't even know her. I spent the whole next day feeling sorry for myself and being so angry that it had to happen while I was at camp; I really just wanted to go home and cry in my mom's arms (pathetic, I know). But of course, God had a plan and drew me closer to Him in that difficult time. While I was vacuuming the next day considering going home to where people understood my pain, I heard God speak to me. He said "MC, you cannot just love me whenever it's easy. I understand your pain more than anyone and want to comfort you." I immediately realized that I shouldn't have been so mad at Him and shouldn't have considered abandoning His plan for me. Now I'm so thankful I was there when it happened so my work and all the joyful people around me could take my mind off the pain and make the grieving process so much easier.

There's so much more I'd love to share but those are the main things God taught me while I was there. I hope you enjoyed reading about my experience but if you got nothing out of this post please get this: nothing will ever make you feel more alive than living a life serving God because that is why you and me and everyone else in the world was created. No matter what hardships or tragedies come your way or no matter how great life is, living for yourself just isn't as awesome as living for God could be! He is the best Father and companion you could find and will always take care of you and bless you if you just surrender yourself to Him. Thanks for reading peeps, love and blessings to each of you. :)

My work crew family

My sweet friend Jade. Her heart for Jesus and ability to make others laugh is so admirable.

My fellow tawashies and laundry girls

My tawashie boss, Cassidy. She was a HUGE blessing.

The housekeeping intern, Jordan. Also a huge blessing.

Some more of my pretty best friends

Gettin down on western night

THE Patrick Burrus. He's pretty neat.

My sweet dog, Janet.

the joyful life

What's up people? Hope everyone is doing great! I'm glad to be back here on my little corner of the internet...days I get to write blog posts are the best days! I'm currently laying in my hammock enjoying a cloudy yet beautiful day and I can't wait to share with y'all! Today's post isn't heavy or super convicting like a lot of my other ones...it's just light and meant to make you feel pumped about life!

I know I've told y'all this before but I have always struggled with having a consistent quiet time. I easily forget how important it is and I'm not reminded of just how crucial it is in my life until I start actually doing it again. Well ever since summer started I have had a consistent quiet time almost every morning and man, has it been incredible!! My life hasn't changed drastically since, but there's been so many little changes in my attitude, my outlook on life, and the way I live out each day that all add up and make me feel so stupid for the times I am too stubborn to have a quiet time. Simply giving The Lord 15 minutes or 30 minutes or an hour out of my day is nothing compared to the way He blesses me in return. All this being said, I just want to take this blog post and share with y'all how He's worked in me since I stopped being a baby about sacrificing time for Him.

First off, the fact that I have been motivated to get out of bed every morning at 9 (not even that early) and take my journal and bible out on my patio for a quiet time has nothin to do with me! Before school ended I realized how bad I had gotten at having quiet times and prayed that God would discipline me to start doing it and would increase my desire to grow in my relationship with Him. Low and behold, He was faithful as He always is in answering my prayer and so yeah that's awesome. 

Anyway, the biggest difference having a quiet time has made in my everyday life has to do with how joyful I am. There's this quote that I've seen a million times that says "We have to choose joy and keep choosing it." While that might be true for some people, I learned that for me it's not that I have to choose joy...it's that I have to choose God. I have to choose Him over looking at my iphone for an hour when I wake up in the morning. I have to choose Him over getting a little more sleep. I have to choose Him over my own sinful desires every single day. And when I do this, joy comes naturally to me. Sure some days are harder than others to be joyful, but when I begin each day with God and devote my day to Him, it really isn't that hard to be joyful. It's so much easier to appreciate the blessings in my life when I have God on my mind and it's also easier to look at problems as a way to grow closer to Him. Before summer started, there was a long period where I barely ever had quiet time and when I did it wasn't very genuine or meaningful. I didn't appreciate my life or enjoy the people around me, but instead I was irritable, worrisome, and negative. I have found that it's hard to be that way when you have the God of all things beautiful and joyful as your best friend. 

I'm glad God answered my prayer and pushed me to start spending time with Him, because ever since I've been living what I call "the joyful life." The joyful life to me is a life where days aren't wasted. Even if a day is spent being lazy, you're thankful that you have time to rest. Or when a day is spent working, you invest yourself into your work and seek out opportunities to glorify God. If a day goes poorly, you end it knowing that tomorrow is a clean slate and that through everything God is still good. If a day goes great, you know who to thank. Every day, good or bad, has little blessings throughout it and you recognize those blessings. You hug those you love tighter and shoot more smiles to strangers. You don't complain about petty things like the weather or the long wait at the Chick Fil A drive-thru. You recognize other people's beauty instead of their flaws and accept the fact that people are different than you. You know that your home is in Heaven and that worrying about worldly things is a waste of time. You don't get caught up on your mistakes but instead soak up God's grace and grow closer to Him in your weakness. When you live knowing how important spending time with God is, you live the joyful life. It isn't going to be perfect but it's the best kind of life you can live.

Thanks for reading! My prayer for you is that you devote time to God everyday and begin to see your life become the joyful life! :)

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Appropriate Fault in Our Stars quote because the movie rocked.

No sweeter name. No sweeter love.

Hello everyone! Hope all is well with y'all :) This is probably about to be one of my favorite blog posts I have ever written because of the things God has led me to write about so I really hope y'all enjoy it too.

For the past few weeks I have been dwelling on who God really is to me. I've known that I love Him and He loves me and that giving my life to Him was the best decision I ever made but when I was asked a few weekends ago who God really is to me, it was really difficult to put it into words. Since then I've been trying to search for an answer and I've realized that there really isn't a simple answer to that question. God is unlike any person I've met on this earth and His love is unlike any other love I have experienced that I couldn't just say, "He is my father" or "He is my friend."

So here's a little side story that might seem like it has nothing to do with this post but hang in there because I promise it does...kinda. Yesterday was a beautiful day so I decided to take my (morbidly obese) pug on a walk. The first half went great but the second was a nightmare. Every single yard we passed she would stop and lay in the green grass and just would not move. I'd pull on her leash and she would finally get up and walk a little bit but would lay right back down on the next yard. I ended up having to carry this 30 pound dog in my wimpy arms all the way back to my house. Anyway, the reason I bring this up now is that when she would lay down in every patch of green she saw, I was reminded of the Psalms 23:1-3. "The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake."

I wasn't near as gracious to my poor lazy dog as The Lord is to us but I am glad that I was led to this scripture. I'd heard it before but for some reason it really meant something to me this time. God is our master and we are meant to serve Him but when we need rest and when we need to just stop and lie down...He lets us. This made me just stop and think about how beautiful and unique The Lord's love for us is. It's different than what we expect it to be because it is completely different than how the world acts. Here's what I mean by that...

He is my master, but also my friend.

He is my judge, but He loves me regardless of my guilt.

He is my father, but He is also intimately in love with me.

He is my guide, but He lets my mind think on its own.

He is my creator, but He lets me decide what kind of person I want to be.

How beautiful is that? I've experienced love from my parents, my friends, my siblings, the leaders/mentors in my life, boyfriends, my grandparents and so many other different people but none of it compares to the love of Christ. His love is like all the different types of love we experience from the world all mixed up and multiplied by infinity. I will never be able to fathom just how great the Lord's love is for me, but the day I understood that He really did love me unconditionally was the day that everything changed for me. As the moody girl I am, I need different types of love at different times and that's why God never fails me. Because He knows exactly what I need when I need it and when I just turn to Him, I get to experience that most beautiful type of love there is.

I hope that y'all understand just how incredible it is to be loved by a God so complex and beautiful and that you fall in love with who He is. Nothing else compares to experiencing it.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38, 39

to serve > to be served.

Hello there! I hope everyone is doing well and isn't as sick as I am. Despite my atrocious sounding cough, I've actually enjoyed relaxing the past few days. I've been incredibly busy lately and getting sick was probably the only thing that could make me slow down and take some time to reflect on life. I would like to share with y'all what God has spoken to me during this time of reflection!

Man y'all, I'm selfish. Everyone's selfish, I know, but I can just be so dang selfish sometimes it's sad. Like I said I've been SO busy lately, considering it's spring of my senior year. I get in maybe two quiet times a week and even then they haven't been whole-hearted or genuine. The past few weeks I've just been so wrapped up in all the hype of this world that I was too selfish to take time out of my schedule for the One who gave me life. But as I was laying in bed the other night unable to sleep because of my coughing fits, I realized how empty I felt. I've been packing my days full of all kinds of junk that didn't include Jesus that I hadn't even realized until I was completely still and up way later than the rest of the world that I haven't been happy. I've just been, well busy. 

I started to think about how I've been living and how I've been treating people. I can always tell that I've drifted from God when I start to act how I did before I gave my heart to Him. I realized I've been extremely moody and irritable and getting upset about the most petty things. I had forgotten how beautiful and bountiful the life He has given me is and only focused on what was wrong with my life. I started to pray a simple but earnest prayer. I said, "Lord reveal to me where I've gone wrong. I have trouble sometimes tuning out the world and hearing your voice but Father, I'm begging you to speak to me now." This is what I felt like I heard from Him in response: 

"In order to truly be happy in this life, you have to serve and stop expecting to be served."

I realized that I had stopped looking for ways to serve other people and to serve God and instead just expected everybody else to serve me and cater to my needs and wants. This was the root of my bitterness and emptiness. My selfishness got the best of me because I had stopped spending time with the One who humbles me and drives me to want to serve. And of course I was acting this way right before Easter, a time when we celebrate the fact that a king came into this world as a servant, did nothing His whole life but serve God and serve people, and died a criminal's death for us. Gosh I'm so ungrateful.

I am thankful that I got sick and that God humbled me through it. I am thankful for what He did for us thousands of years ago and I am thankful that my selfish, prideful, sinful self has the chance to spend eternity with the One who serves me daily. My prayer is that I would joyfully serve Him and would let go of my desire to be served.

At the last supper Jesus told His disciples this....

"Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves."

Luke 22:27

"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28

He was the greatest among us and did nothing but serve us. Our lives are meant to be spent serving Him right back. Happy Easter everyone!! :)

Your image isn't your mission

Hellllllooo blog reader friends! It has been quite a while since I've been on here but I am glad to be back with something important to say!

So up until a few days ago I felt like I just couldn't stay focused on God. I wasn't very motivated to spend time with Him and kept using my busy schedule as an excuse as to why I was neglecting my quiet time. Every time this happens and when I finally break the routine, I remember how precious and important that time spent in prayer and in the word is! I also realized something that always happens whenever my eyes are not fixed on Him.

When we give our hearts and our lives over to God, our entire purpose in life changes. Before, we are focused on what will make us happy and how we can make life better for us but once the truth of the Gospel is clear to us and we accept it, life is about something totally different. It isn't about us at all anymore. We know that our home is in Heaven and one day we will get to start our eternity there, so not much on earth really matters anymore. Our mission is simple...serve God and serve people. "Me, myself, and I" are nowhere in this equation. Life is about bringing glory to God in all we do and devoting ourselves to whatever He calls us to do. This is awesome to me and I love being reminded of it, because living life this way is so much better. It's actually kind of ironic, when we spend all of our time trying to please ourselves and make things better for us, we end up feeling empty. There is no greater way to live life than to live for something bigger than ourselves and to get to play a part in this incredible, intricate, mysterious, beautiful plan God has for the world.

What sucks are the times when I forget this and start to live for myself. A lot of the time, however, I'm not even really doing what will make me happy...I'm doing what I think will make the people around me happy because in turn, I think that'll make me happy. I am a HUGE people pleaser which is more of a curse than a blessing a lot of the time. When my eyes drift away from my sweet savior and my best friend, I get obsessively preoccupied with my image and the way that I appear to other people.

Sometimes, this means I am very critical about the way I look. When somebody around me calls somebody else pretty, I get upset that I don't look that way. When other girls talk about how "eyebrows can make or break you" I get obsessed with my eyebrows and get upset that they don't look the way ideal eyebrows look. I could go on and on, but the point is I get upset over something as silly and unimportant as eyebrows.

Other times, the image I work so hard to build for myself has to do with my personality and beliefs. Sometimes I get so caught up in looking like a Godly woman from the outside that I don't even think about what that really means and how I should really be acting. Sometimes I think people see me as ditzy and naïve but I just get comfortable with that image and don't want to break character. There are times when people are shocked to hear me voice my opinion because I'm a "shy girl" so I get scared to speak up. Again, I could go on and on.

Images are important to this world, and when I get caught up in things of this world, my image becomes important to me. I think part of it is because I care so much about what the people around me think of me and if they're pleased with me; it'll get to the point where I create several different images for myself and only portray the one that I think the people I'm currently with will want to see. It's easy to be comfortable in an image, even if it isn't necessarily that good. Just feeling like I know who I am and where I belong makes me feel secure and safe.

But I am not called to be secure and safe...I am not called to be gorgeous or to appear to be a Godly woman or a shy girl. Because of what Jesus did for me, I can call myself God's Daughter and I don't have to pretend! That is exactly who I am...God's broken, flawed, beautiful creation and THAT is something to celebrate. It still isn't my mission to feel great about who I am...obviously, that just comes from embracing God's love for me but His love for me isn't just supposed to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It should drive me to live everyday in pursuit of Him and His calling for me. His love for me should inspire me to love others that way and to sacrifice my time to serve them. It should push me to try new things and enjoy life on earth because I won't be here long. My mission is not to have the perfect image, it's to serve my perfect God!!

My prayer for myself and all of you is that we will lay down our desire to have the right image and the right appearance. In addition, that we lay down our views of everyone else's image around us. I don't want to be scared to show love to "the Christian-loathing atheist" and I don't wanna feel like I can't have a conversation with the "judgmental hipster." People might not be the way the appear on the surface, which is something we will never learn if we keep putting so much value in our image.

Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Mark 12:29-31

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Love, Mary Catherine

 

Painting I did for someone that was fitting with this post :)

 

 

Daniel Fast

I've been wanting for the longest time to connect with God in new ways and to learn more about Him and who I am in Him. But the silliest thing that I didn't understand was that in order for new things to happen, I needed to do something I hadn't done before! There's no way anything would change if I kept the same habits and kept living the same way.

A little over three weeks ago, my church challenged it's members to participate in the "Daniel Fast," a 21-day fast modeled after the way Daniel fasted in the bible. After being stubborn and selfish for a little bit, I accepted the fact that fasting was the next step I needed to take in my relationship with God and I am SO glad I did.  The only reason I even want to share with you guys about it is not because I am proud of myself for doing the fast or want you to be proud of me; it was by His power and goodness alone that I was able to do it! There is just no way I could not share with y'all the things God did for me and through me during this time. The most important thing that this experience showed me was how awesome life is when I simply depend on God rather than myself. It's still hard and the problems I have don't just magically go away, but it's so much better to know I can trust Him with everything and that He will take care of me. Learning to depend on Him was the main thing I learned, but each day He taught me something new either through scripture, someone else's words, or a personal experience. I wrote down the main thing I learned each day in my journal and thought I would share! (p.s. I am aware that some of them are very similar...God knows how forgetful I can be but thankfully He makes sure to remind me of things He once taught me when my actions don't show that I remember it)

1. A fast (or any spiritual discipline) isn't meant to make Him fall more in love with you, but to make you fall more in love with Him. Don't be in this to try to make up for recent or past sins.

2. Spending time with the ones God gave you is one of the most fulfilling things; don't take that time for granted (or spend it on your phone).

3. Self-control is vital to living a fulfilling life. What we want in the moment isn't always best for us in the long run.

4. Don't be discouraged by weakness. Let your weakness highlight God's mighty power within you!

5. Complaining or having a negative attitude does no good for you or the people around you. Joyfully submit to the Lord and express that joy to others.

6. Don't spend so much time dwelling on the days ahead of you. You are not promised another day so put all your energy and effort into making the most of the present.

7. Don't turn to worldly things when you feel weak. Christ is the only thing that will give you the strength you need.

8. It isn't silly to say that Jesus Christ is your best friend. He isn't just some larger than life, all-knowing judge. He's someone who can make you smile after long day, someone you can count on, someone who would do anything for you, and someone who accepts you exactly how you are...what more could you want in a best friend?

9. When you want something to change in your life, you have to be willing to do something you have never done before.

10. Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others. God doesn't want you to live in guilt and self-pity.

11. Don't take the opportunity God has giving you to have an intimate relationship with Him for grants. It is the most beautiful gift you could ever receive.

12. Being honest with the Godly people in your life about what you're dealing with is vital. We need those people to encourage us and hold us accountable. but we will never get that if we try hide our struggles and our feelings.

13. Don't act based on your ever-changing emotions, act based on the un-changing, solid Truth you know about Jesus.

14. Loving people is the single most important thing we must do on this earth. Simple as that.

!5. Don't start to love the things God can give you more than you love Him. He alone is worthy of all of our praise and He is the only thing that remains the same.

16. Any day has the power to be extraordinary and waking up giving praise to the Lord and surrendering your day to Him is the best way to ensure that it is.

17. The more you read and discover about Jesus, the more you're going to want to live like Him.

18. One of the best ways to be a light is simply to be positive. When people are used to being surrounded by negativity, they'll want to know what it is that makes you so joyful.

19. Most of the time what the world tells us and what God's word tells us are total opposites. Following the patterns of the world does nothing to further His kingdom, which is the only reason we are even here.

20. Always ask yourself the question, "Who am I living for and what am I chasing after?" If the answer is anyone but Jesus and anything but being His servant, you have lost sight of your purpose.

21. God's got your back. You're silly for thinking He'd call you to do something and not provide for you.

Thanks for reading y'all! I hope some of the things God taught me made an impact on you. Have a great weekend!

 

 



a bird's eye view

Hellllooo blog readers! What do ya know? 2013 is coming to an end. Already? It feels like just yesterday I was telling you guys what my New Year's resolutions were and expressing my excitement for the new year to come. Well, here I am to do it again!

I just love New Year's Eve. Not because of the parties and TV extravaganzas...in fact, I'm spending my night eating hot cheetos and writing this post. I love it because it is a time to reflect on all the good and bad times that made up the past year and to set goals and get excited for the year to come. I have always been a fan of making resolutions, but I've also learned that it's foolish to make an ideal plan for how you want your year to turn out. You never know what life could throw at you, in fact you don't even know if you are promised another day! A resolution shouldn't have to do with what events you want to happen in the coming year but instead the kind of person you want to be and the way you want to react to the things that might happen throughout the year. I've already thought of tons of little resolutions for myself but I wanted something solid, something I could ooze into every little crack and corner of all the different aspects of my life. Earlier today while I was looking out an airplane window, it hit me. I decided that my general, most important resolution that I want to remember every single day of 2014 is to look at life from a bird's eye view.

What exactly does that mean? I haven't quite figured out yet. Honestly I just liked the sound of it! I was leaving California after an incredible week-long trip and I decided instead of reading or sleeping, I would enjoy the view and reflect on my year. I'm glad I did because I love looking at the world from that perspective. It makes life seem more manageable. Then I got to thinkin'...what if we could look at life from a bird's eye view? I mean obviously we can't actually ever do that, it's God's job to see the map of our entire life. And I don't want to literally see what my entire life will look like, I just want to look at things from the view that there is a bigger picture. Whether I have 5 more minutes to live or 80 more years to live, my life is not just some random series of events that make me feel all different kinds of emotions. Each thing that happens has the potential to further my relationship with God and essentially the potential to further His Kingdom. But only if I let it. A friend told me the other day that it's crazy how God is dependent on us and that all we have to do is run to Him, let Him know that He can have control over a situation and He will do wonders with it. It doesn't mean that He will make it all better and make life easy again, but He will weave the situation into His master plan for your life. He'll teach you from it, help you grow stronger and wiser, reveal to you something new about Himself, or simply just comfort you. So back to the bird's eye thing. Instead of looking at failures as, well, failures and instead of living in a cloud of self-pity when something bad happens look at it from a different perspective. Life is so much more than a rough day or a breakup or a rejection letter from a school. The things we think are a big deal when they happen are really just like a little pond or hill in the big map of life. They're important and add excitement to what would be an otherwise flat, easy life...but they aren't worth obsessing over.

So that's what I've decided I want to do in 2014...look at life from a vertical perspective rather than horizontal. Instead of worry and stress over little things, I want to surrender every situation up to God and just enjoy living life with Him. He's crazy about me (and you) and wants us to have fun in our life! He doesn't want us to feel guilty or hurt or disappointed or anything. But in our time here on earth, all of that is going to happen. So the best thing to do is just hand it over to Him, let Him take care of you because that's what He does best! He takes care of the whole earth, every little person in every city...just look out an airplane window and try to wrap you brain around that. It's mind blowing how powerful and incredible He is. So why not take advantage of the fact that a God that awesome would wanna walk through life with you? I promise you that nothing is better...I just need to remember that myself when I'm worrying about the silliest little things.

Just for fun and because I love making resolutions, I'll share some more of my little ones...
1. Take more risks! Again with the idea that I want to simply treasure and enjoy life more, I think taking more risks will be an important part of that. I can get scared and shy and worry about every possible thing that could go wrong but I don't want to let that hold me back from experiencing some awesome things that this world has to offer!
2. Respect Myself. I get so caught up in pleasing other people sometimes or finding a quick fix to a problem that I lose sight of what is best for me. I don't want to become more selfish by any means..in fact I could definitely shed some selfishness in 2014. But I also don't want to live for other people or for anything other than God. He took precious time and effort to create me and I should respect & love myself enough to do only what pleases Him and if it lines up with what He wants, what pleases me, even if it isn't always what the people around me want me to do.
3. Less technology, more living. I've said this in my posts many times before, but I'll say it again. I love technology and social media and all that as much as anyone in this generation, heck I'm spending New Years Eve typing a blog post! But it has had some very negative effects on me before and in 2014 I want to be able to limit how attached I am to all my gadgets. Too much social networking has caused me to compare, to obsess, to envy, and simply get distracted or detached from the beautiful things around me. I have a love/hate relationship with it but in 2014 I would like to limit it enough so that it's only a love relationship and I don't let it negatively affect me!
4. Embrace my dorkiness. Yes, that's really one of my resolutions...a friend helped me think of it after a dorky conversation we had about how much we love vocabulary and words and stuff. :) But seriously, it's so easy for a shy girl like me to get embarrassed about things and to hide parts of my personality...especially in high school where there is so much pressure to be cool. Not that I'd get bullied for expressing my love for English or something but I still do feel the need to suppress my quirkier personality traits. But where's the fun in that? In 2014 as I finish high school and enter college, I want to show my true self to everyone I meet, because the people that want to be around me when I'm actually being me are the people who make life the best anyway!

Well I hope you all had a fabulous NYE and more importantly, an incredible 2014! Thank you for reading and again, thanks for you support. This blog has been one of my favorite parts of 2013!

Happy New Years!

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." Philippians 3:13, 14

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9

“But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." Isaiah 43:18, 19

Beautiful view from the airplane. I love how you can see the mountains, beach, and city all in one shot. 

 

My sister and me in Cali

 

My cute parents ringing in the New Year!

the gift we cannot live without

Have you ever wanted something so badly for Christmas? You just felt like you could not live without it and that if you did not unwrap this certain thing on Christmas morning, you'd feel like something was missing. A few years ago all I wanted was a puppy. Every time my parents asked what I wanted I said "a puppy pug." When they told me I couldn't have that, I said I didn't want anything else for Christmas. On Christmas morning I walked downstairs to find a stuffed animal pug sitting on the couch. I was full of disappointment, almost to the point of tears. It's ridiculous to think about now because I had so many other great gifts, and even more importantly, my amazing family. It's even more ridiculous because they ended up surprising me with a precious, REAL pug later that morning. Once I got to hold my very first puppy, I felt like Christmas was complete and was truly content. My sister did the same thing with hermit crabs. Every year from when she was like 2 to 6 she asked for them and when she didn't get them, she cried. She finally gave up on that dream and realized there was more to Christmas than hermit crabs.

That's what we all need to realize....there's more to Christmas, more to life actually, than just gifts and worldly things. I've had to learn this truth the hard way, but there wasn't a more perfect time to learn it than right before Christmas- the day that so many believe is all about themselves but those who grasp the true meaning of it realize that we are meant to celebrate one gift and one gift only. I've recently been caught up in a certain sin that I just couldn't let go of. I wasn't happy living in it, but I was comfortable and didn't want to have to deal with it, especially during all the craziness of Christmas. Once I was forced to deal with it, not on my own terms, I realized that I was hurting a lot of people, including myself. It wasn't fun dealing with it, in fact it was miserable...but I am so glad I did because it made me realize so much more about Jesus. When I was feeling alone and terrible for hurting people I love, God reminded me that He is ALL I need. It'll be a journey forgiving myself and getting other people to forgive me, but I have to trust that God will take care of me through it. Although celebrating Christmas with my family will be amazing, I realized that all the presents I'm about to receive wouldn't make the situation any better.

There is only one thing I truly need...the gift that Jesus gave me and all of us when He came to this earth and died a terrible death for us: freedom. The gift of freedom that comes from knowing Jesus Christ includes:

• freedom from our sins and past mistakes, whether they happened five minutes ago or five years ago
• freedom from worrying about the people we love because we can trust that God will take care of them better than we ever could
• freedom from trying to make our own plans and figure things out ourselves
• freedom from the titles this world gives us
• freedom from guilt and self-pity
• freedom from everything bad about this earth because our citizenship is in Heaven

This Christmas, I've realized that the freedom that Jesus gave us when He came into this world and gave up his life is only gift I will ever need, the gift I could never live without. This freedom is what will make Christmas, and my whole life, feel complete. In the midst of my brokenness, Jesus is the only thing that can bring me peace and I am so humbled that He would give up everything just so I could be free from my own sin and my own mistakes. My prayer is that you experience the freedom that Christ has given us and that you realize it is ALL you need. 

Merry Christmas everybody, thank you for reading!

"So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free." John 8:36

"So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law." Galatians 5:1

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:16, 17

"I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin." Romans 7:22-25

My beloved pug, Janet

Wonderfully Made.

Hello all! I hope everybody had a wonderful, restful, joyful Thanksgiving break. I am so thankful for each of you who takes the time to read my blog and for all of the encouragement you give me via twitter, facebook, or through comments on my blog! I am also thankful that the Lord knew what He was doing when He prompted me to start a blog because each post I write at least one person tells me it impacted them in some way and that is all I wanted when I started it...for God to speak through me to at least just one person :) Anyway, sorry you have not heard from me in a while but I'm back and cannot wait to share with you!

Eh, well that last sentence was a little bit of a lie. I am not all that excited to write this post because it requires me to be extra vulnerable. But I feel the need to write it because I don't want anybody else believing the same lies that have been dragging me down lately.

Insecurity in the way we look is something that has been around for ages, or at least since mirrors were invented. But I'm pretty darn sure it has never been as bad as it is in this day and age. Now I love instagram and twitter and Pinterest as much as the next girl but I believe they are very much to blame for this issue. That's because these sites allow us to compare every little thing about our real life self to other people's edited, beautified, filtered selves. I'm guilty of this on both sides, which makes me so frustrated that I let it consume so much of me. If there is an instagram effect that will make my skin look better, you bet I'm going to use it. But then I'll look at somebody else's post and feel so defeated that my skin doesn't look like theirs. Don't get me wrong, I don't think there is anything wrong with editing your pictures but it's the comparing that I cannot stand.

Why can't we just accept that God made us exactly how He wanted to and that we are his most treasured creation? It'd be easy for me to say that I have accepted this truth and wake up just absolutely loving myself every morning but this is so far from the truth. To be completely honest it is very difficult for me to believe that I am "wonderfully and fearfully made" (Psalm 139:14) when I wake up with a giant zit on my face or I'm having a bad hair day. But I don't think that God expects us to feel beautiful all the time, or at least not physically beautiful.

My obsession over image and physical appearance used to be one of the major things I was a slave to before I gave my heart to Jesus. And sometimes when I drift away from God I let them consume me all over again. For the past few weeks, my walk with God has been hindered because of my obsession over meeting the world's standards of beauty. Thoughts such as "I'd be so much prettier if my nose was shaped differently" or "If only I had better skin I wouldn't have to wear so much makeup and people would consider me naturally beautiful" or "Once my hair is a certain length I'll be satisfied with my appearance" just fill my brain all the time. I am laughing at myself as I'm typing these things and I'm sure you're laughing as you read them (especially if you are a boy) because it really is so silly that these types of thoughts have been consuming me, but I told you I was going to be completely transparent so there it is.

As I said I don't think God expects us to feel just absolutely beautiful all the time. He desperately wants us to see ourselves the way He does but He knows that it won't always be that way, and that's okay. I think what is truly important on days that we don't love the way we look is to remember what actually matters. We are more than just a body or a face covered in clothes and makeup, we have souls and minds and hearts. We have potential and ambition, we each have talents and skills and unique features that make us who we are. We each have a specific role in God's greater plan, a specified position just for us if we are willing to take it. Most importantly, we have a mighty, powerful, creative, wise God who is living within us and walking through every moment with us.

This world makes us believe that life is meant to be all about us and that the way we look, the way we act, the possessions we have, and the things we have accomplished will determine the way we end up. But as Christians, we must remember that we already know the way things will end. We are already citizens of Heaven and when it's all said and done, that is where we will spend all of eternity. Life on earth is not about us, it is about the God we are following. It's our mission to use the tools and gifts HE has given us to make our mark on the world. To let HIS words and HIS truth speak through us. To follow the creative and beautiful path HE laid out for us. To let HIS beauty shine through us.

Knowing this, I can go through life not having to worry about the way I look. My God did create me exactly how He wanted me to be and to Him, I am more beautiful than sunsets and mountains and gardens. I don't always believe this, but it is not the point of life. God did not create me to just be pretty, He created me to be a powerful woman of God, which is essentially the most beautiful thing a girl can be. When I used to hear sermons on beauty, I used to think I was expected to wake up and feel so great about my appearance every single day and I would get so discouraged when I couldn't do it. But what really matters is that I focus on what I'm truly here for. When I remember the God who created me and the plans He has made for me, one little zit or some split ends seem like the dumbest thing to care about.

My hope is that the next time you are feeling down about your appearance,
1. you remember that your extravagantly creative God, who made the bluest oceans and peacocks (my favorite animal) and forests of evergreens and snow-tipped mountains and cute little lady bugs and pretty white cats with one blue eye and one brown eye and whatever else you find beautiful in nature, considers you His most treasured creation. You are wonderfully made and you are His masterpiece.
2. you don't let it consume you. There is so much more to life than the way you look. Some days this is hard to believe, but if you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, it is a ridiculous thing to care about. Our mission is to bring glory to God and to tell as many people we can about HIS beauty and who HE is. That is truly all that matters.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13, 14

"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Solomon 4:7

These things make up true beauty.

Five of the most beautiful girls I know, inside and out.

My family makes me feel oh so beautiful

One more bit of truth.